It's Kind of Hard To Talk
by Havah Kinny
Summary: JONAS AU not agents. It's been months since things fell apart. Joe's in New York with his model girlfriend, Nick's in LA with his boyfriend and neither of them looked back until one night. Songfic, Lips of an Angel...oneshot for now, may continue Joick...


Honey, why're you callin' me so late

_**A/N Someone requested that I do a Joick songfic to **__**Lips of an Angel**__**, so here it is…I had to change a word or two so that it worked out, but yeah…I did my best.**_

**Disclaimer: I don't own ****Lips of an Angel,**** Hinder or the Jonas Brothers…**

_Honey, why're you callin' me so late_

_It's kinda hard to talk right now_

"Hey." Joe picked up his cell phone, answering it swiftly.

"Who is it?" His girlfriend, Allison, looked up at him from the bed.

"It's just my brother, I'll only be a minute." Allison nodded and Joe ducked out of the bedroom, heading for the study next door. "Nick, what's up? I'm a little busy…"

"Joe…I…"

"Nick, it's almost tomorrow here…" Joe sighed and sat down on the couch in the study. I hurt, talking on the phone to Nick like this…

"I just…" Nick sniffled and Joe was suddenly aloof.

_Honey why're you cryin'? Is everything ok?_

_I gotta whisper 'cause I can't be too loud_

"Nick, what's wrong? You sound like you're crying." The tenderness in Joe's voice just made Nick's tears drip faster as he slid down the wall in the kitchen, tears staining his face.

"I just I can't take this sometimes." Joe heard another large sniffle follow Nick's words and he sighed. "It's so hard!"

"Did Parker hit you?" Joe's voice filled with worried.

"No…it's not that, god Joe…he didn't hit me…Besides, I'm not a kid anymore Joe…I'm 19…I can handle it if he ever does hit me." Joe wasn't convinced by what Nick was saying, but the boy was already crying, he didn't need to be angry as well.

"Alright, I'm sorry…I didn't mean to insinuate…" Joe's voice was a low whisper.

"I can barely hear you Joe…talk louder?"

"You know I can't." Joe rolled his eyes even though Nick couldn't see. "Nick…why did you call?"

"I dunno…"

_Well, my girl's in the next room_

_Sometimes I wish she was you_

_I guess we never really moved on_

"Does this have to do with us?" Joe was hesitant to ask the question.

"You know that it does Joe…" Nick choked slightly on a few more tears. A silence followed.

"Look, I can't talk about this right now Nick, Allison's in the bedroom and I'm in the study…" Joe sighed. He didn't tell Nick that he wished that Allison was somewhere else and that Nick was with him on the couch, not on the phone, crying.

"Just a few minutes, please? I miss you…I know I promised that I wouldn't but-"

"It's ok Nick, I miss you too sometimes."

"Y-you do?" Nick sniffled again and Joe wanted nothing more than to be able to dry his tears.

"Yeah…" Joe let out a long, deep sigh.

_It's really good to hear your voice_

_Sayin' my name it sounds so sweet_

"How's Allison?" Nick knew that if he didn't change the subject he was going to end up saying something that he would soon regret.

"She's good…" Joe shrugged. "She uh…she got another shoot in Milan for next month."

"That's great, that's great." Nick's voice was shaky and Joe was unconvinced that Nick thought well of his situation with Allison.

"How's Parker?"

"He's you know…Parker…macho in every way…sometimes I think he's too much for me Joe." Joe could have sworn that he sensed longing in Nick's voice…the same longing that he felt every time Nick said his name...

_Coming from the lips of an angel_

_Hearin' those words, it makes me weak_

"I…" Joe trailed off. He had to keep himself from telling Nick everything that was left of his feelings, everything that he felt.

"What?"

"Nothing, forget it."

"No, Joe, tell me." Nick's words sent a shiver up Joe's spine. He remembered when they first got together…Joe had been trying to tell Nick how he felt and he couldn't do it, but Nick encouraged him with that same phrase and Joe had cracked instantly under the pressure of Nick's voice.

"Drop it, it's not important." Joe shook his head, not caring that Nick was on the other end of the phone, not the room, and couldn't see him.

"Are you sure?"

"I'M SURE!" Joe snapped.

"You don't have to yell…" Nick's tears returned and Joe sighed.

"Nick, I'm sorry…"

_And I never wanna say goodbye_

_But damn, you make it hard to be faithful_

_With the lips of an angel_

"It's alright…" Nick shook his head, letting his curls bounce. "I was prying…I'm sorry."

"Look, I should…I should…" Joe couldn't bring himself to say the words. He knew that he should hang up on Nick and go back to Allison, forget about the younger boy whom he'd held him in his arms not four months ago, but it was hard.

"You should what?" Nick gulped. He knew what Joe was trying to say, but he didn't want to hang up the phone, he didn't want to go back to Parker, not just yet…maybe not ever.

"I should go…" Joe said the words that neither of them wanted to deal with.

"Fine." Nick spoke solemnly. He wasn't angry, he wasn't in favor of Joe hanging up, but he wasn't going to stop Joe. But Joe didn't hang up, he just stayed on the line, listening to the combination of Nick's soft breath and his tears. "You didn't hang up."

"I know…"

_It's funny that you're calling me tonight_

_And yes, I dreamt of you too…_

"Look, I called because…" Nick trailed off. This conversation wasn't going the way he'd planned…then again what had he expected? That he would tell Joe everything and expect him to come running back.

"It's actually kind of…interesting that you called…Allison and I were talking about you earlier…"

"What were you saying?" Nick knew that he had spoken the words too quickly, seemed too eager, but it was too late to take them back; there wasn't anything that he could do about it.

"Nothing, just that we should have you and uh…Parker over sometime…for dinner, Allison's idea…"

"Oh…look, earlier I was thinking about us and-"

"Me too Nick, don't say it…I don't think that I could stand to hear it right now…"

_Does he know you're talkin' to me? Will it start a fight?_

_No, I don't think she has a clue_

"Joe, I told him." The words poured from Nick's mouth. He hadn't intended to say them, but they had rushed out before had the chance to think through them.

"Told him what?"

"About us…about last year…" Nick sighed.

"Did you tell him that it was over?" Joe didn't want to be harsh with Nick.

"Yes." Joe could hear Nick wiping away tears in the back round. "I told him that it ended and that it wasn't going to be an issue."

"Does he know that it's me you're talking to Nick?"

"No…" Nick sighed. "He's watching football…he thinks I'm making a snack…what about Allison? Does she…does she suspect?"

"No." Joe shook his head. "She's blind to that sort of thing…and I'm a good actor."

"Please act like you don't love me Joe, it would just be easier to deal with all of this if I really thought that the feelings weren't reciprocated." Nick's tears became louder again and Joe felt like crying too.

"I can't do that Nick, you know that."

_My girl's in the next room_

_Sometimes I wish she was you_

_I guess we never really moved on_

"So…so you still feel the same way that I do?" Nick was hesitant to ask.

"I think so…" Joe sighed. "I mean it's different now…with Allison and all…I mean she's right here, with me…in New York and you…well you're back in LA."

"I know…I understand what you're saying, I mean I've got Parker but…but he's not you Joe, he doesn't hold me the same, he doesn't kiss like you do…"

"Allison's not like you either…I think that's why I'm with her to be honest, because I'm…because she's…she's different." Joe let out a deep sigh.

"It's the same way with me." Nick let a small whimper escape his throat. "We're not over this Joe…I thought we were, but we're not."

"I know, and it's killing me…"

"How do we fix it?"

"We don't."

_It's really good to hear your voice_

_Sayin' my name, it sounds so sweet_

"I want to be happy again…" Nick sighed.

"I want you to be happy too…but you're gonna have to find that happiness with someone else, I'm with Allison now…and god, I don't care what you're words do to me, I'm not leaving her for you…"

"I'm not asking you too Joe, I just want you to move on completely, I want you to stop loving me!" Nick raised his voice for a second before bringing it back down, remembering that Parker was only a flight of stairs away. "I just don't think that I can get over you until you're over me."

"I'll work on it…" Joe gulped, trying to fight tears. Nick sounded so forlorn. "I mean…I guess."

"Thanks."

"No problem."

"Joe, what happened to us?"

_Coming from the lips of an angel_

_Hearin' those words, it makes me weak_

"I…I don't know…" Joe lay down on the couch, no longer able to sit up. He was scared. Scared that he wasn't going to be able to suppress his feelings.

"Well it must have been something…"

"The distance I guess…I shouldn't have taken the job…"

"Don't blame yourself, it was an amazing offer, besides, you belong on the stage."

"And you don't?"

"I do…just not the same kind of stage…I don't have the theatrics that you do…just the guitar abilities…god, why are we even talking about this?" Nick sighed.

"Because you asked what happened to us…" Joe shrugged. "I think you already knew though, didn't you."

"Yeah…"

_And I never wanna say goodbye_

_But damn, you make it hard to be faithful_

_With the lips of an angel_

"It wasn't the distance…"

"No." Nick shook his head, curls flopping slightly. "We could have survived the distance…"

"I know." Joe sighed. "I'm sorry that I wasn't there for you Nick, I really am…I know that it's too late to be apologizing for that, but…but I am."

"You had work…"

"I could have gotten work off Nick," Joe sighed. "I didn't come because…" Joe trailed off. He couldn't manage to finish half of the things that he had to say to Nick, it was just too hard. "Because I was afraid."

"Because you were afraid? Afraid of what?"

"Afraid that I was going to lose you…I didn't want to be there if I was just going to have to let you go, it would have been too hard."

"Harder than letting me go the way that you did?"

"Yes…" Joe's voice was barely above a whisper. "It was easier to stop loving you then to watch you die and take my heart with you."

"But you didn't stop loving me…"

"And you didn't die…"

_It's really good to hear your voice_

_Sayin' my name, it sounds so sweet_

"I could have…" Nick sighed.

"It shouldn't be his kidney Nick…" Joe sobbed. "It should have been mine…"

"You weren't a match." Nick stated the fact as though it were irrelevant, but Joe's breathing on the other line became heavier.

"Nick…" Joe sighed. "Nick, I was…I was just so scared that I would lose you to the surgery…that you'd reject my kidney and that I would accidentally kill you that way…and Kevin was just as good of a match… "Nick, I'm so sorry." Joe couldn't stop his own tears anymore.

"I don't understand…"

"It should be a part of me that's inside you, me keeping you with us each day, but I was too scared…I'm sorry Nick, I really am."

"Joe…"

"Don't say my name Nick, I can't handle it…don't say it."

_Coming from the lips of an angel_

_Hearin' those words it makes me weak_

"But-"

"No…look, I'm sorry, but I really, really don't know how much more of this I can take. The more you say the more I want to cave in…just break down."

"Don't Joe, I'm sorry…I didn't mean to do this to you."

"You didn't Nick, I did this to myself. All you did was love me and I got scared. I got scared that having your heart meant breaking my own – I thought that we could still be brothers, but…" Joe paused. "But this is too hard, every time you say something my heart breaks a little more…and it's all my fault."

"I'm sorry…"

"Don't apologize…that just makes it worse."

"I'm-" Nick caught himself. "Alright." There was another silence. Joe kept his tears as quiet as he could, he didn't want Nick to know that he was crying, that this was killing him.

"Look I-"

"I get it."

_And I never wanna say goodbye_

_But damn, you make it hard to be faithful_

_With the lips of an angel_

"I think that I should go now…" Joe sighed. It was still the last thing that he wanted to do, but that's what scared him the most. He was with someone else now, he couldn't be doing this, he couldn't be talking to Nick this way.

"I think that maybe you're right…" Nick choked on the words.

"I don't want to..."

"I don't want you too either…"

"It's just that…Allison loves me and you make it really, really hard for me to love her. Before you apologize, it's not your fault, it's mine…I shouldn't let you get to me like this."

"If it helps you get to me too." Nick sighed. "I mean if you didn't I wouldn't be sitting on the kitchen floor in a mess of sobs wishing that you were in the other room instead of Parker."

"Don't say that Nick, if you feel the same way it just makes it even worse, it makes it seem like a real possibility."

"It is…"

_And I never wanna say goodbye_

_But damn, you make it hard to be faithful_

_With the lips of an angel_

"Stop." Joe sighed, cutting Nick off. "That's the talk that's gonna get me in trouble. Allison is right next door and I need to be with her right now."

"Look, I think it's time for you to hang up." Nick couldn't take Joe talking like that. If Joe wasn't going to come back to him then he wanted him to stop talking like he was.

"Yeah…I know."

"Look…if you change your mind, my number hasn't changed."

"I know." Joe hung up and went back into the bedroom. "Hey baby." He set his phone on the bedside table and slid onto the bed, pulling Allison into a deep, passionate kiss.

"Where's your snack?" Parker looked quizzically at Nick as he entered the room.

"I didn't make one…" Nick looked sadly at the ground.

"Baby, why are you crying?" Parker shut the TV off and stood up, taking Nick's hand and leaving him over to the bed.

"I was just…I keep thinking about how I might not have much time left, I don't know how long my body's going to live with Kevin's kidney, and I'm just wondering if this is right…" Nick gestured at Parker and himself. "If you really love me…"

"I do Nicky." Parker pulled Nick into a deep, passionate kiss, easing him down on the bed. "Don't doubt me, please…it hurts." Nick just nodded and drew Parker back into the kiss. Soon Nick's shirt lay on the floor beside his pants, Parker's on the other side of the room. As they made love, Nick didn't notice his phone vibrating on the dresser.

_Honey, why're you callin' me so late?_

_**A/N Ok, what did you think? Should I leave it there or continue it with another song? And if so…what song?**_


End file.
